(5) Forbearance of Christ

There is a great need of forbearance in our family life. A good family life is the product of forbearance. If a husband and wife show forbearance toward each other and toward their children, they will have an excellent married life and family life. However, if they do not exercise forbearance, they will seriously damage their life together as a family.

In dealing with their children, parents should be neither too strict nor too tolerant. Both excessive strictness and excessive tolerance are damaging to children. Then what is the right way for parents to care for their children? The right way is the way which is full of forbearance.
Suppose a child does something wrong, and the matter is made known to his father. He should not rebuke his child in a hasty way or spank him in anger. In Ephesians 6 Paul tells us not to provoke our children. Usually parents provoke their children by dealing with them in anger. If you are angry with your child, you first need to ask the Lord to take away your anger. Once your anger has been dealt with by the Lord, you need to exercise your understanding to realize why the child made that particular mistake. No doubt, the child was wrong. Nevertheless, you still must understand his situation. Perhaps he was wrong because you were careless. If you had not been careless in that particular way, the child would not have made that mistake. Because your carelessness afforded him the opportunity to do something wrong, you should not put the full blame on him. Rather, first you must blame yourself and then discipline the child. All this is included in exercising forbearance toward our children.

Parents need to exercise wisdom in speaking to their children. A child may need correction, but the parents need to sense when is the right time to speak to him. A father should ask himself whether or not he should rebuke his child in front of other children or even in front of the mother. Sometimes it is not wise to discipline a child in the presence of others. How much wisdom we must exercise in caring for our children! If we do not have forbearance, we shall not exercise wisdom.

If we would show forbearance, we also need patience. Most parents find it difficult to be patient when they are disciplining their children. Suppose a brother is about to rebuke one of his children. It would be much better if he waited a few hours before saying anything. However, it is extremely difficult to wait even a few minutes, much less a few hours. The natural tendency is to deal with the children in haste. Such impatience is damaging. (Taken from the Life-Study of Philippians, Message #58) http://ministrybooks.org/life-studies.cfm

在我們的家庭生活中需要謙讓宜人

我們在家庭生活中極其需要謙讓宜人。美好的家庭生活乃是從謙讓宜人產生出來的。夫妻若彼此顯出謙讓宜人，也對兒女顯出謙讓宜人，就會有最美滿的婚姻生活和家庭生活。但他們若不謙讓宜人，就會嚴重的破壞他們共同的家庭生活。

父母對待兒女不該太嚴厲，但也不該太縱容。過度的嚴厲與縱容都會傷害孩子。那麼，作父母的要如何照管兒女纔正確？正確的路就是滿了謙讓宜人。假如一個孩子作錯事，父親知道了，他不該火急的去責備孩子，也不該在怒氣中責打他。保羅在以弗所六4吩咐我們，不要惹兒女的氣。父母通常因著在怒氣中對付兒女，而惹了兒女的氣。你若生孩子的氣，首先必須求主除去你的怒氣。一旦你的怒氣被主對付，你就必須用悟性來了解，孩子為甚麼犯了那個錯誤。毫無疑問，孩子是錯了。然而，你還必須了解他的處境。他犯錯也許是因著你的粗心大意；要不是你在那特別的一面粗心，孩子也不會犯那個錯。乃是因著你的大意，使他有機會作錯事，所以你不該完全責怪他，反該先責備自己，然後再管教孩子。這些都包括在以謙讓宜人對待孩子這事裡。

父母對兒女說話需要運用智慧。也許孩子需要改正，但是父母一定要摸摸感覺，甚麼時候說纔合式。作父親的應當先問自己，該不該當著其他孩子的面，甚至當著母親的面責備孩子。有時候當著別人的面管教孩子是不智的。我們照管孩子需要多少的智慧！我們若沒有謙讓宜人，就不會有智慧。

我們要顯出謙讓宜人，也需要忍耐。大部分的父母管教兒女時不容易忍耐。如果一位弟兄要責備自己的孩子，他若等幾小時再說話，情況就會好得多。但是，連等幾分鐘都十分困難，更不用說等幾小時了。我們天然的傾向就是要火急的對付孩子。這麼無法忍耐是會傷害人的。(摘自『腓立比書生命讀經』第五十八篇) http://www.lsmchinese.org/